Hello H&F subjects, welcome to the latest issue of my new blag, designed to coincide with the delivery of Britain's best free newspaper, "H&F News" which actually isn't free at all but paid for out of your taxes! Never mind, as you'll see, Council Tax is going down by 3% again next year because I know just how hard it is for you all to make ends meet, during a Labour-created recession, in your million pound Fulham houses. That 50p a week reduction will make all the difference.
How do we do it, I hear you say? Easy really. We just increase charges for everything, slash services for the elderly and vulnerable and give the money saved to the deserving people of the Borough rather than all the dole queue scroungers in their welfare barracks. They aren't going to vote for us anyway, so who cares? The only disappointment is that H&F News' editors didn't put a bigger picture of me in the paper - something about not having the space for such a wide potrait: you know, technical reasons.
Not that eveything in the garden's rosy. The great unwashed may not vote for us but they're making a fuss just because we want to demolish their slums and put up some decent buildings instead. I've had to draft in NUJ to send out some dopey guarantees nicked off the back of a soapbox packet to reassure the suckers that we aren't going to touch their rabbit hutches for 20 years; NUJ being Nick 'Undertaker' Johnson. Good chap, NUJ. After burying Bexley's public housing, he wasn't well and had to take early retirement from his £200k plus job there. However, the air is so pure around here that he was able to make a remarkable recovery and work for H&F Homes part time on only £125k per year. That's a result in my book. You've got to pay top dollar for good people to motivate them and that's why I took Harry the Fibber's advice and gave us all a pay rise. The results are there for all to see!
Until next time, don't do what I do and spend all that tax money saved on pies!
Sidney
